heads or tails
Making decisions is decidedly a large part of being an adult — there are big choices and small ones and we’ve polarized many of them into binaries – like red wine or white, Republicans or Democrats, cats or dogs, if or else. We’ve designed entire languages out of ones and zeroes to conjure up these words on a light emitting device. Maybe it's the contrast that we mistake for clarity, which helps us make a decision.
I’m afraid of the consequences of a wrong decision. A low risk appetite some would call it. And so indecision has become my most expensive trait. And since coin tosses have been somewhat reliable in making fair decisions for centuries — To decide who starts a cricket match, and who wins in a political draw for instance — I think it’s got integrity and can get the job done. When the pros and cons begin to blur into each other, and the logic-loops reach a dead end, probability is always game. And so I use this bipolar metal (virtually, of course) to bypass my own biases. I spare myself hours of evaluating if oat milk is better than almond. The world is ridden with ever changing variables and decisions are powerful. To decide is to design the future in that moment. It’s a privilege to have choices, but it's also exhausting.
Beyond the limitations of budget and functionality, how does one really decide anything? Reason, one may argue, although studies repeatedly emphasise the role of emotion and intuition in our process of decision making. And so I'm told that I must be detached from the choices I subject to a toss-up. I argue that we live in a reality where tomatoes come in so many shapes and flavours that I'm not sure anyone has the emotional capacity to attach themselves to one or another. (You can replace 🍅 with anything form blogging platforms to dating apps or even ways to respond to a text). It's really the small choices that'll get you in the end. Decision fatigue, I hear is what they’re calling it.
Sometimes this turns into decision paralysis. And that’s how the coin toss often frees me up from small decisions that matter less, but take up most of our days; so that I can gain some time to work on overcoming my fear of should-haves and could-haves, while navigating a world littered with small choices.